Moan for me like Helen Keller
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize