He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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