I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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