i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
