He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
