a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
