I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
