if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
