shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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