I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
do herpes really smell.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
