She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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