Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
