will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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