i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
