Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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