oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
