I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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