how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize