Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
