i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
