awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
