Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
