So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's rum buckets o'clock
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So apparently I’m into choking now
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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