he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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