I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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