and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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