you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
