I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
