So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
