Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
