Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
