I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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