I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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