I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
