I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How does one acquire holy water?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize