When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
