If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
