captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
