Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
