please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
