i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
