I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
