tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
