saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
