So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
