dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
