Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
