I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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