why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
