You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
