Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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