I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
