Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
