bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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