Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
