Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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