Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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