Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize