so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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