for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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