Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't think brook has ever known best
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
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