New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
