the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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