either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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