why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
