I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
