ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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