dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
