When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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