...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
