mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize