found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize