What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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