oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
