...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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