Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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