Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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