Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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