Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
