I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
