Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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