is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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