I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
