At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
