babies were throwing up all over the place
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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