Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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