I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize