Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
