Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
