so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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