He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
