i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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