god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
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