There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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