I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
