Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
