Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
