I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
