So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
