this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
