I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize