he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
