Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
