You just made me feel so damn special
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
