Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
