My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize