thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
